I purchased tea for my wife for Christmas. It was not her
entire Christmas, just a part of it (see notes below). She loves tea. She is a
tea expert. When she makes tea it is with filtered water, at the correct
temperature. When we go out to eat, she lets me order the tea, and then if it
is okay she will order some also.
So tea for Christmas seemed to be a great gift.
When the tea came it was in three cases. The cases said
“tea”. So there was no surprise about this one present.
Here’s “the rub”. One of the unwritten social conventions
upon which the foundations of modern society rests was violated by the person
(who is otherwise almost perfect) accepting this gift. She may have unwittingly
unwound the spring that drives the clock of all mankind forward. Gift giving
may never be the same.
One of the REAL reasons for giving someone a gift that is
consumable (don’t deny this, you know it is true) is the anticipation of
helping the person who received the gift consume said gift. For example, if you
give your wife one of those hearts that is full of chocolates for Valentine’s
Day you expect and you look forward to
getting a piece of chocolate from that assortment? Often the person receiving
this gift will offer you a chocolate upon opening the package. This is normal.
This is how it is done.
That example is how it works. That is how it has always
worked. And thus, and therefore, gift giving is alive and well.
...but...
After Christmas I was looking for the tea. I could not find
it.
“Where is the tea” I asked her.
“I hid it”, she said.
“Hid it? Why?”
“Because I know you would drink it.”
If this were court then the lawyer would turn to the judge
and say “prima facie” which means… SEEEE!!! And the judge would bang down his
gavel and say the legal words meaning, “Holy Cow, Yeah I see!”
See. The social bond that binds us all together has been
broken. It is one of those unwritten rules that society has governed itself by
for generations and it is all in danger of coming apart at the proverbial
seams.
“Will I get to drink some? Ever?”
“Yes, but it is special so I’m saving it.” It was not a strong
“yes”. It was a “yes” that had that bit of hesitation, that hint of a question
to it, which interpreted from “wife speak” means, maybe. And I don’t mean the
normal “maybe”, but the kind of maybe where the head turns away and the pitch
of the word goes up toward the end. So in the present case “yes” really means “no”.
So I will report back to you when and if I ever get to drink
any of that tea.
P.S. I wrote the tea maker and complained that their tea was
too good and they needed to make a “B Grade” version so we slumps could have
some. (I don’t know if slump is a word or what it really means, but I like it
so I’m leaving it.) They responded, but not in the manner that would suggest a
new “B Grade” tea is forthcoming.
Notes: She also got that machine that scrapes (micro
abrades) the callous off your feet. She will have to get some callous first, so
maybe I will use it until she grows some? And she got a set or wrenches and a
red vacuum sweeper. RED, is of course decedent.
for more information about what she got for christmas... http://www.freaknoid.com/2013/11/christmas-for-female-unit.html
©David L Arment
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