Super Spitter

 

I learned today that one of my acquaintances has spit. Lots of spit. 

He told us so at breakfast today. 

He and his wife signed up to have their DNA tested in order to find out everything there is to know about their DNA. 

As you may or may not know, it is important to have DNA. If you don’t have it then you ain’t nobody. And we all want to be somebody.

So the test kit came and there where these little bottles. The purpose of these little bottles was for your spit. 

Once your spit is in them, the bottles go to a lab in some far away place with a strange sounding name. I know this because all labs that do testing on DNA are in a place with a strange sounding name like Bonga-Bonga. Cleveland would not work. No one would put a DNA lab in Cleveland just because of the name. This is because you have to be able to take the lab seriously when it comes to DNA and no one takes a commons sounding lab location seriously. Like Cleveland.

Maybe a dental lab would work in Cleveland, but not a DNA lab.

Well anyway.

My friend got his spit bottle and filled it up in one spit. One spit! One try! One Sitting! I think spit is both a verb and a noun. So he did the verb into the bottle with his noun.

This is when he told us he has lots of spit. Everyone at the table was regaled with this spittle achievement.

It was said as if it were a grand accomplishment. Like swimming the English Channel. Winning a big race! Or getting your foot back into you shoe without untying it first!

However his wife was apparently moisture deprived. She could not do the verb into the bottle in one sitting. It took her a while. So she was not going to get to finish the channel swim, win any race and would need to untie her shoes. 

Bummer dude.

When she did finally get her bottle sufficiently full their two bottles were sent off to the lab Bonga-Bonga.

I’m not really sure that these bottles had to be completely full, but I didn’t say anything because he was so proud of his spittle accomplishments and I didn't want to burst his spit bubble.

When the lab results for their DNA came back my friend said that lab had told him that he had a SUPER-ATHLETE in his past. Somehow he managed to say this same thing in three different sentences in order for us to understand that one of his relatives was a SUPER-ATHLETE. This person (the SUPER-ATHLETE ) had passed his DNA down to my friend through the generations and that explains why my friend says that he will live to a very old age. Maybe over 100!

It was like winning the DNA lottery.

But I wonder... will his prodigy have lots of spit?