Pam told me about it today. I don't remember how it came up in conversation, but apparently I was being annoying and it triggered a memory in Pam that centered on a male friend who got in trouble the other day.
It all centered around a lady in a very tight dress in a restaurant in which we and our friends were eating dinner. The word slinky may have been used.
Apparently this very tight dress slinked through the restaurant and past our table accompanied by a young lady inside.
Apparently I was in the restroom, completely innocent and unaware of slinkiness of any kind, way, shape or form.
Apparently everyone else noticed. All the people in the restaurant were entranced. Conversations stopped. The wait staff... well... they waited. Time stood still. The earth stopped rotating for a minute. The waves in the ocean stopped waving. I gathered this from what I was told and I've added my own twist to the description of what happened to help you understand the gravity of it all.
If you are a man of the male persuasion then you have to be careful what you do next if you observe this force of nature that invades your private space such as apparently this lady did. Your future is in your hands. You certainly have to be careful to NOT NOTICE and if you are caught noticing you have to think quickly about what to say, or not say.
Like maybe you say - while looking out the window - as if you saw no slinkiness whatsoever, "Nice weather we are having. Think it will rain?" Or you can drop your spoon on the floor and then look at it as if may be taking on a life of it's own. Really you can do about anything, except what he did.
Apparently my male friend made no effort to conceal anything. He made a comment about the slink and the dress and the young lady that accompanied it, as well as suggesting what profession she might do well in and then he topped it off with some observation about two cats in a sack trying to get out... or some such thing. I didn't follow the cat in a sack comment, but that was not the time to interrupt Pam to ask questions. "Drawing upon my excellent command of the English language, I said nothing."*
I wasn't there so I don't know exactly what was said. I'm filling in a few blanks in the story for you. (You're welcome.)
Apparently he was then in trouble with his wife. In times past she would have told him that he could have no more beer, but the doctors put him on some evil medication that takes away his appetite and now he doesn't like beer. Doesn't like it at all. Apparently that is a "side effect".
By the time I got back to the table from having "use the facilities" the hubbub had settled down from a category 5 hurricane to a category 2. (I am not "up on" my hurricane terminology, but I think 5 is worse than two. If not then switch the numbers around for me in your own mind.) People had gone back to eating. The wait staff was back to serving. The earth rotated. The oceans roared back to life. Clocks began to tick again.
I was apparently oblivious.
I may or may not have seen this woman in the other room as I came back from the restroom. And if I did, I may have forgotten to tell anyone about it.
Apparently I did not notice anything slinky or tight at all.
Nice weather we are having. Think it will rain?
* Footnote some dude named Robert Benchley is credited with saying this or something similar to this.
©David L Arment
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