I have a new toothbrush. It is electric. You don’t have to plug it in because it runs on some sort of battery. I try not to get the thing “overly wet” so as not to short out the electrical components, or to deliver a shock to myself by surprise.
It would be especially dangerous since my enormous brain cavity is so close to that potential electrical current and it could cause irreparable harm in an electrical shock scenario. On the other hand, maybe it would stimulate brain cells and I would become genius level intelligent (or geniuser). Either way could be upsetting to the status quo as we now know it.
And… the toothbrush came with an app. We talked about apps in a previous post. I think it was entitled “apps for apes”. Apes don’t use toothbrushes so we will have to come up with a catchy name for this post. Maybe I won’t think of anything snappy so maybe “apps of apes 2”?
If you brush your teeth you just use one hand. So this app is used by your other hand. You sit your phone on the counter and put the toothbrush into your mouth against your teeth. The apps operations are by “sliders”. So you can make the thing go faster and faster, or slower and slower by sliding the appropriate slider.
The bristles on the brush can go up and down or side to side. This is controlled by a second slider on your smart phone’s screen. If you leave the slider in the middle it goes both directions… somehow... it is just a general vibration.
You still have to move the toothbrush around in your moth on your teeth. So there is still some work involved for you.
The “on / off” button is on the handle of the toothbrush, which seems disappointing. But maybe they didn’t want you accidentally turning on your toothbrush from your hotel room in Minneapolis and come home to find that your toothbrush is dead. Gone. Kaput.
Now the truth is, I don’t have a toothbrush with an app. I do have a cheap electric toothbrush: but no app.
I thought I would write about it and we would all have a good laugh, because of the ridiculous idea of an app for toothbrushes.
…but…
It turns out there are multiple toothbrushes that have apps.
According to the AI app I use; one offers “real-time 3D tracking, AI brushing recognition, and personalized coaching. I don’t even know what most of that means. The only part I sorta understand is personalized coaching. So I guess you must “log on” and have a video session with a person who reviews the data your toothbrush sends them via bluetooth to your wifi and on to them at the world toothbrush headquarters, coaching division.
Maybe there is a tiny screen in the toothbrush and you can talk to your coach through the toothbrush. That would be convenient.
I assume that your coach has a four year degree in toothbrushing and / or toothbrush engineering technology. Maybe a minor in apps for toothbrushes.
Another toothbrush app “pairs… models to monitor pressure, ensure complete coverage, track your brushing streaks, and order replacement brush heads automatically”. (I think it means strokes, but it said streaks.)
The next one does about the same as the one above except it “rewards you for building consistently habits.” I bet they send you candy through the mail if you are a good brusher. It doesn’t say that the habits are related to brushing your teeth. I assume that if you are in the habit of not taking regular showers they are not going to send you a reward for that, but it really isn’t clear.
But you still can’t beat the bidet app we talked about last time. That app was crazy weird. You will have to go read about it so we don’t bore our readers who already read that particular post.
In closing (almost closing) below we briefly talk about an app that someone came up with that is unusual to say the least. I’m “cutting and pasting” from Google’s AI Mode…
RunPee
- The Concept: A highly practical but oddly specific movie theater companion.
- How it works: The app tells you the exact best time to run and use the restroom during a movie without missing any crucial plot points.
- The Catch: It provides a text summary of what you are missing while you are away from your seat and vibrates in your pocket when a "pee window" opens.
The last thing I want if I have to go pee is something vibrating in my pants. But that’s me.
I hope this was valuable and educational for you.
Please leave a comment regarding your favorite or most outrageous app.
©David L Arment, 2026
Happy brushing!
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