making the world a better place

 

Toilet paper is important, and yet you never hear any Presidential Candidate express any opinion on it. If we (we meaning me) were running for President, we would say, "My opponent is not worried at all about the shortage of toilet paper, and in fact is against toilet paper. In fact my opponent refuses to use toilet paper and will someday ban your use of toilet paper".

... but we digress before we even get started...

Have you ever been sitting at home minding your own business. Maybe you were correcting a text book on quantum mechanics when you hear a faint yet distressing voice coming from inside your house. It is someone yelling. It is not like the yelling of two people who are debating which channel to watch or where did you leave the darn remote control, it is of a different tone. So you go to investigate.

You find someone in the bathroom seated on the thrown and they ask you in a sheepish tone to go to the closet and get them some toilet paper.

If you are like us (us meaning me), you will realize what a position of power you now hold. The world is metaphorically at your feet. You can ask for anything in exchange for a simple act of going and getting a roll of toilet paper. Nothing is off the table. Any request you have dreamed of can be surfaced for due consideration at this time.

Here is what we (we meaning me) might say... "Why didn't you look before you sat down? You would have seen there is no toilet paper on the roll. If I bail you out now, what would you have learned? If you have to get yourself out of this mess then it will teach you to be more careful next time and to consider if you have all the tools you need before you start a job."

"I would love to go and get you toilet paper but it just would not be fair to you. You would not learn anything if I just did it for you. I know you are not going to like this, but it is for you own good. No, I am not going to get you any toilet paper."

Tough love, that is what the world needs.

Then from the other side of the door they start whining and pleading. They are like little worms.

"Can you go get mom?" (Or "one of the kids" or if it is a guest "your wife".)

Eventually after a lot of moaning and groaning and promises for future consideration, you will go and get the toilet paper. But hopefully the momentary terror of thinking that they won't get toilet paper will help this person grow into a more responsible human being. 

And you will have helped the world become a better place for us all to live.

This is us (us meaning me), saving the world, one toilet paper roll at a time.

Repost from January 2008 (or before)

©David L Arment